41 Things at 41

I used to love my birthday. As far as I was concerned it was just a nifty excuse to party and be pampered. Things have changed.

It's not that I hate my birthday - I've known too many people without the privilege of any more birthdays to not be grateful for every year. It's just that birthdays no longer feel special. Maybe it's because I stopped celebrating with my own bottle of you-will-feel-like-crap-tomorrow tequila?

Because it started to come with the label you-will-feel-like-crap-for-the-next-three-days.

I was inspired by Susannah Conway's post Hello 40 this year to make my own list of things I've learned so far. As long as you understand that by "have learned so far" I really mean "am still learning every day."

1. Things will rarely turn out the way you imagined.
2. This is a good thing.
3. Stop creating your own drama because Life will hand you enough.
4. You will survive it.
5. Let them take pictures of you. No matter how awful you think you look, you will be glad you have them later.
6. Getting older is awesome if you let it be.
7. Trust your gut. Even when everyone else tells you it's crazy.
8. Even when you think it makes you crazy.
9. Using a "crutch" doesn't make you weak.
10. Refusing a "crutch" when needed makes you a selfish asshole.
11. There is no such thing as a fashion trend that flatters every body.
12. Learning the "hard way" is usually the only way to make it stick.
13. Lean into the fear.
14. If you work on your own crap, the rest will usually fall into place.
15. Be yourself with no apologies.
16. Change your mind.
17. Try new things all the time - a haircut, a brand of clothing, what you read, a hobby, food. New experiences keep you looking at the world with fresh eyes.
18. Speaking of hair, it will always grow back.
19. Enjoy your own company.
20. Don't distract yourself from loneliness or boredom. Use them to propel yourself in a new direction.
21. Never stop writing.
22. Vulnerability will show you where you are strongest.
23. Be compassionate. You don't know what anyone else is dealing with at the moment.
24. Be kind. You don't know what anyone else is dealing with at the moment.
25. Figure out what success means to you. Living someone else's dream is a nightmare.
26. Getting lost is the best way to start an adventure.
27. Fill your life with the things you love - the colors, the people, the styles, the activities that make you feel more like yourself.
28. Stop obsessing about finishing things. You'll want to finish the right things.
29. Make your own rules.
30. Make your own rules subject to change.
31. You are worthy.
32. You are worthy.
33. Depression lies. Stop listening to it.
34. Your tribe is out there just waiting for you. Go find them.
35. Do your best to stay out of debt. Know that this will not always be possible.
36. Find a few things that make you feel really good about yourself and splurge on those things. Go cheap with everything else.
37. It's never too late.
38. Your actions are the best indicator of your values. Listen to them.
39. Actions are also the best indicator of others' values. Listen to them.
40. Learn the difference between self-care and shadow comforts, and act accordingly.
41. It's OK to not have it all figured out. It's OK to not have even a little bit of figured out. Just keep going. You'll get there.

I'll Let You Know Tomorrow If I Can Still Move

It's been a little slow going around here lately. Depression has reared her nasty little head again, and the struggle has been compounded by NO MEDS because of an insurance...issue. $700 copay, anyone?

So just a quick list of some of the things I've been up to lately mixed in with some stuff I found and loved on that thingie with all the connecting tubes -

I recently got a subscription to the online workouts at barre3 and started my day with by jumping into their 28 to Great Challenge with a 40 minute workout. It took about 5 minutes for me to decide that Sadie Lincoln is my newest frenemy.

The jaunty johns post over at Whorange has me rethinking our downstairs bath. Because I've got a few hours of procrastination to fill.

I want to ask myself 'what do I want' more often (I have the biggest girl-crush on Justine Musk). And at 5:30 tonight the answer was sugary cereal because the diet portion of the 28 to Great Challenge? Not nearly enough carbs for an already cranky woman whose husband just went out of town.

I want to go to Alexandra Franzen's Write Yourself into Motion workshop in Portland SO BADLY. I'm setting the odds at about 1,000 to 1 that it will be full by the time I decide I'm worth the cash*.

Please don't tell me if the odds should be 1 to 1,000. Gambling is not one of my vices, and frankly I don't need to add it to my repertoire by doing the research and suddenly becoming enamoured of it. Things like that happen to me all the time!